We are back with yet another #AskTheExpert where she tells us why it’s important to love and enjoy your OWN company.
Counselor, Life Coach, Author, Motivator
Have you ever had a day when you were frustrated turning on the screen and staring at your WhatsApp or Instagram messages only to find no one in particular had texted you? Or you jumped to every message tone or call ring on any phone in vicinity? Just hoping… hoping and wishing someone, anyone for that matter would call you or message you for a chat, round of gossip, asking to meet up or just saying hi? And do you remember the feeling every time your screen went dark with you still staring at it or when you flung the mobile instrument in utter frustration? Loneliness… that’s what the feeling is. Gnawing at you, making you feel unwanted and left out while the rest of the world, seemingly, indulged in great companionship.
But is the phone responsible? Or the people? Or is it that the whole world is conspiring against you? Why are you really lonely?
Are you lonely for that matter? Alone? Maybe, but lonely? We do have someone for company, even when we are alone, it is just that most of us do not love that company and crave for someone or something else, and hence the frustration of loneliness. I don’t mean the dog or the grandmother or the house help. Who else? You may ask. You can’t see them right? Well, that is what I am talking about. This person is so unloved and uncared for that they are almost invisible to us. And ironically this one person can be the only one who is most interested in us, loves us more than anyone in the world can knows us better than anyone ever can- warts and all.
If you still haven’t figured out, I am talking about us. Me as my best friend, you are yours. The best company we can ever have (your own company), provided we learn to acknowledge and love them back.
I have gone on that path and come a full circle. From waiting for someone to rescue me from my boredom to being absolutely blissful in my own company. Trust me, never have loved any other company as much. I mean I am the only person with whom I can be who I am- I know my lies, my deepest of secrets, my dark thoughts and most sinful desires and yet I am not afraid of being judged or ignored. I love myself the way I am and (though I may decide to filter a lot of it for the world) I and me, we both delight in even this secret filter game we play with the world.
I can cry with myself and I always have a very special, rather cunning smile for myself when I am indulging in something that the world doesn’t have to know about. Later we think about it and laugh some more in our own private world.
Of course I enjoy the company of others too. But when no one is around I am not craving for or getting frustrated in lack of another company. Together me and I we have discovered what we like to do the most. We read and then ruminate over the words. We reminisce the good moments and feel the pleasure together. Sometimes we miss some old times and share the nostalgia. Then we take walks or simply enjoy something mushy on Netflix while sharing a tissue. Together we marvel over the nonstop busy schedule of the ants and even delight on the sight of an aircraft in perfect flight. We both enjoy it because neither of us judges.
Since I have been aware of and learned to enjoy the company of Me, I have not felt lonely, I have not fretted over friends not messaging, I have not developed ill feelings for people who have the right to have a life of their own and understand that they do not have to take the responsibility of keeping me company. Neither do I give others any power to control or manipulate me emotionally or otherwise. I like their company but I am not dependent on them for my happiness. And hence when I do get together with them I am not complaining or cribbing, we have some great time together making another set of memories.
Have you met your self yet? Try today. Spend some time to know them more, their likes and dislikes and secretes and quirkiness. Share stories with them, involve them more in your life. Find out what you have in common and add that activity to your daily life.
Learn to love your own company. Start today and this will be the last day when you feel lonely or left out.
